It was always me

Hard but fun. I always thought I can be a better person for the special person in my life, to be the one that will always love her and take care of her but I was wrong. Because of my twisted mind I constantly create problem and pointing out her as the cause but while reflecting into it, it turns out that it was I who thinks a lot and really the root of it. I'm scared that one day, she will grow tired of me and leave me or it is the other way around? Currently there are thoughts in my head that I can't understand, maybe this is what she told me that I will be bonded by my commitment though I know I don't want to leave her. This ain't that easy since we are just starting and I am haunted by her not so good history, but overall I do appreciate what she's doing and I hope I can do better now moving forward.

Needing for a red light

As long as I see a green light, I always go. Now that thing I want was already in my hand, all I felt was a sense of guilt. Things will be out of my control if I continue to work like this, I need a red light, somehow I need to be stopped. Self control will be the key and a bright future will follow.

Quotable Tony..

When it is mine I take it seriously, if it is others I laugh at it. Does it make me stupid?

We can never consistently become happy and successful in the course of our life. Everyday there are obstacles we need to passed through, but how come that I don't know how to comfort the one I love when she struggles, how come all I know is to make fun of all things. Is there's something wrong with just laughing at the problem?

How I wish I can be a complete package. A romantic, comforting, rich and handsome partner.

"One thing I couldn't protect is the one thing I couldn't live without" -Tony Starks

Perfection is a matter of judgment

Impressions are just a mere superficial judgment, It is whats within that is important. Everything happened for a reason as they said, it is only how you accommodate such events.

Being optimistic is a challenge, if dreaming perfection can be called optimism. However, regardless I lacked of many things, I still hope that one day, those visions will come through. Those days are still short and there will be more to come, yet those days are quite fulfilling. Some says because it was just the first time I experienced those things, including the fact that I dug my grave before I started to create my pedestal. It was though and getting tougher each days since everyday new information is needed to be processed and to be accepted. What can I say, I am an Opportunistic Pathogen, a mere stranger that saw an suppressed person and grab the opportunity: boasting that I am a person who can make her happy; boasting that what was said was merely a lies; boasting that I am a better person than who ever she came across with. O yeah! I am a pathogen. trying to influence her without even saying what is my real intent. Initially, there were really no intent, it was just some or rather 2 pass or fail test wherein she both succeed. Then engulfing the idea of being a opportunistic I told her what was I am thinking (it is basically all about her). She never understand how my mind works, but I am interested to know her better. Questions were postulated, doubts were started. Though what I am feeling and thinking are in sync, but I'm still luring her to the idea that I dreamed for a future, which aren't bad at all, not by any sort off a pressure, it is just I don't feel any player presence in myself. I rather called myself gamer than a player. But who know, shit may happen. I am not perfect (certainly not) but I know! I know! What I am capable of, and I am capable to make someone happy as we are all. But for how long? Who knows? But one thing is for sure! Perfect future is a matter of combing all necessary components, it is just word for me that doesn't need to be take literally. It is just a mixture of accepting each other imperfection, understanding each parties concept, respecting believed and most importantly increase happiness each day you stay with her.

You know what! It is stupid to say that I love you the first time I saw you or go out with you. However, I can say I liked you and I want to know you better for me to know that it might be love since there is no concrete definition of such word. It is just a matter of our own perspective.

Each conversation we had, I just hope that it build positive conclusions, because right now, we are both a "tabula rasa", that we are writing our future together and using the past as our lesson for better tomorrow.

It was not me until yesterday

it was just not me until yesterday.

until I woke up and realized how failures carve me so far

and thinking the obstacle I've passed and still passing,

how those failure converted into inspiration and motivation

to move forward and be a stronger

to aim higher everyday

since we are living in a spherical world

wherein there is no end, but just constant changes

that we ourselves are the one who set boundaries

so for now let us hold onto our past

be guided with those memories

wake up in a day

and start building for the future.

Constant changing?

There are times people need to change. Change might be one of the essential part of our life, this is our weapon in facing different challenges in our life.
Within this process, there are people who help us change or actually they are the one who make us change the way we speak, walk, and love.

Sharing this changing process is a way I want you to listen to what happened.
I myself is not like this but of course this special person who, well I guess I can't remove in my life no matter how she was hard on me I didn't care to the point it made me realized that it's time to change, it was enough for now and it's time to focus in more important things in my life, well actually this ideal is one of several things I've learned with her. There are things that are essential that something personal. So no matter what I do to removed her in me, looking for someone else, it doesn't help, she already left a great mark which impacted me a lot.

Thanks Bear!

Football Mania

Since the start of football in the Philippines I've started to noticed children playing this sport in the street.
When I learned and started playing sports I only knew that basketball is the most played sports here in the cities, probably because there are several basketball courts scattered around the cities and even there are no playground to play basketball some children create their own rings and hang it on a post for the to start shooting over the hoops but because are football association started to introduced football since this sport is the most popular sports all over the world, now aside from playing the hoops these children also started creating their own football field on our cities streets though they don't have their own goals the smiles on their face are showing implying that they are enjoying this new sports crave in our country.
I hope that children can master the skills in this sports so the we can also make names in the said sports. Well done Philippine Azkals!

Life when taking call

Well since I've started being a call center agent, I learned different terminologies that is associated with this kind of job. But the one that I loved most was the term AVAIL and the other one which is I hated was QUEUING.

Well, lucky for me that the shift I was able to choose was to be a closer. I am happy because I am being paid just by sitting in my station waiting for calls which has a minimum interval of 5 minutes up to more than an hour. Which means my average calls per day per 8 hours of shift is around 20 only. But apparently, unexpected thing happened and due to the transition from shift bid, many of my colleague missed their day and also because I am working with an ISP there are things that also meant to happen. If you add up low number of agent plus something happened to one of your network equals many people will call because they cannot get online, that means, my regular number of calls which is less than 20 went up to 50. WOW! This was very tiring and one of my Boss told me. "Congratulations! You're a certified CALL CENTER AGENT." come on calls I am ready to handle you more!

To my colleagues, next time be aware of your schedule.
To other agents, ROCK ON!

Life of a Fisherman

Dahil napakagaling ng isa kong kaibigan, nais ko lang dagdagan ang kanyang nilathala.

Naging inspirasyon ng bawat mangingisda ang gabay na kanyang isinulat at ngayon ay ilalahad ko naman ang buhay ng isang mangingisda.

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The beginning:

Depende kung anong klase ng istilo ng pangingisda ang gagawin ng isang mangingisda, pero kadalasan nag-uumpisa ito sa simpleng text, chat, like o pag-comment sa status ng isda. Malalaman mo na ang isang mangingisda ay bagong huling isa kung:

• Ang cellphone nya ay laging tumutunog. At twing magtetext ay nakasmile
• Mapapansin ng ibang mangingisda na may bagong pangalang sinusundan ng madalas ang mangigisda sa facebook or kung saan mang social networking site.

Pagkalipas ng ilang araw o linggo dito ang maswerteng mangingisda ay mag-aaya na ng inuman sa bahay nila Jonas. Pagkaubos ng ilang bote mag-iiba na ang pwesto ng upuan at maya-maya lamang ay unti-unti ng magkukwento ang mangingisda sa katabi nya tungkol sa buhay nya o kung hindi naman naman ay meron ng starter ng topic pero ang kadalasang sagot ng maswerteng mangingisda ay:

• "Nakita nyo pa yun pre"
• "Mamaya na, pag lasing na ako"
• "Uy, gago hindi ah."

Kalaunan kapag lasing na ayun dun na magsisimula ang pagkukwento, kung baga ay start ng ng so called "Heart to heart" session ng mga mangingisda.

Lilipas ang ilang buwan, taon na twing may inuman ang mga mangingisda laging continue topic lang o may bago ng topic.

Ang ganitong pangyayari ay paulit-ulit lang depende kung may bagong update

The Tragedy

Ang bahaging ito ay hindi na dapat pang pahabaain, sapagkat ito ang bahagi kung saan ang mangingisda ay nagdurusa at may mabigat na pinagdaraan. Depende sa mangingisda kung ano ang kanyang coping mechanism pero madalas laging "Denial" hangang wala ng pag-asa at susuko nalang.

The End:

Maiisip ng isang mangingisda na marami pa naman dyang iba.

"Malawak ang dagat, at kung ano mang sukat nito ay ganito rin ang dami ng isda rito"

-Unknown    

 

C without C

Everything has it own ending. Same goes by with the time we spent. Even though it was short, it was so precious to me. I know that we never became good at each other, well at least we tried. This short message if the only way I can express how I am right now. Hope you can see this too.

This is who we are.

It was the night we wouldn't forget
and for each one of us will never regret,
the torch of our passion was ignited
Illuminatio a name which everyone made so exited


It was just the first night
but beneath the darkness we saw our light
which would be the key on our fight
the fight that will soon test our might


Though the night was too short
but everyone was able to stand up to the end
this was the first time
and obviously would not be the last one


As we grow in every aspect of our life each day
the seed we planted will soon grow
and guide us to our chosen road
and at the end we will all say
We are the Illuminatio

Don't try to play jokes on us.

After a week of exhausting work why this is the payment that I received.
I thought the work was fun. Well it's true, not until you people got on us on the middle.
It was not a part of your work, maybe you want our job to be better or maybe you want your name to be recognize.
Yes we ask for your help, but I never thought you will step on the line.
We were friends, weren't we. And yet you choose the better persons. How come you put us down so your name will be lift high.
No matter what might happen from this day forward, I've already set up my mind.
I together with my fellow batch mate will prove that you are wrong. We will not be stepping on your shadows but you will be our shadow us we surpass the challenge put on us and leave our college with pride and honor.

A Business Challenge

Too much punishment for being irresponsible. It wasn't my intention to think that what is happening is a punishment for what I have done.
Forgiveness is what I beg to my friends for the loss that we encountered. I really hope we can surpass this, I am very sorry for those I made accusations, I can't help it, But don't worry I won't pinpoint any of you because in my point this was all our fault.
I hope we face this together and no one from us will take all the blame.
Forgive me for being irresponsible and not checking the content of my keeping,
I hope we can survive this challenge.

My heart keep pounding earlier because of this bad news, let's do our best to find what we are missing,
hope this is just a challenge for our unity.
I don't want to lose a damn percentage of my trust I gave for each one of us, because the wrong move I do, at least I inform a part our team though it is just only one person, well at least he knew it.

Now the hard part challenge us, This is very though i hope we can survive.

A Beautiful baBY

My day wouldn't be complete without seeing your face,
but when you're there, I don't know what should i say.
I have something to share but it won't come out to my mouth,
maybe i'm just a little bit scared.
no isn't that just a little,
it is as tiny as a beetle.
I wish I had the courage and strength,
to tell you what i feel for you is real and not fake.
I don't want my past to eat me up again,
and loose my love again and again.
The failure i made build too much pain,
that can't be relieved by acetaminophen.
Wasting my time wondering inside my mind,
my cerebral cortex is too active all the time.
What is the use of my body that is too big,
when you're there I'm turning into a twig