Being optimistic is a challenge, if dreaming perfection can be called optimism. However, regardless I lacked of many things, I still hope that one day, those visions will come through. Those days are still short and there will be more to come, yet those days are quite fulfilling. Some says because it was just the first time I experienced those things, including the fact that I dug my grave before I started to create my pedestal. It was though and getting tougher each days since everyday new information is needed to be processed and to be accepted. What can I say, I am an Opportunistic Pathogen, a mere stranger that saw an suppressed person and grab the opportunity: boasting that I am a person who can make her happy; boasting that what was said was merely a lies; boasting that I am a better person than who ever she came across with. O yeah! I am a pathogen. trying to influence her without even saying what is my real intent. Initially, there were really no intent, it was just some or rather 2 pass or fail test wherein she both succeed. Then engulfing the idea of being a opportunistic I told her what was I am thinking (it is basically all about her). She never understand how my mind works, but I am interested to know her better. Questions were postulated, doubts were started. Though what I am feeling and thinking are in sync, but I'm still luring her to the idea that I dreamed for a future, which aren't bad at all, not by any sort off a pressure, it is just I don't feel any player presence in myself. I rather called myself gamer than a player. But who know, shit may happen. I am not perfect (certainly not) but I know! I know! What I am capable of, and I am capable to make someone happy as we are all. But for how long? Who knows? But one thing is for sure! Perfect future is a matter of combing all necessary components, it is just word for me that doesn't need to be take literally. It is just a mixture of accepting each other imperfection, understanding each parties concept, respecting believed and most importantly increase happiness each day you stay with her.
You know what! It is stupid to say that I love you the first time I saw you or go out with you. However, I can say I liked you and I want to know you better for me to know that it might be love since there is no concrete definition of such word. It is just a matter of our own perspective.
Each conversation we had, I just hope that it build positive conclusions, because right now, we are both a "tabula rasa", that we are writing our future together and using the past as our lesson for better tomorrow.